The Very Model of a Modern Glasses Grievance

Behold! A patient with a pair of glasses in a little case!
Oh, joy... let's hear it.

I am the very model of a modern glasses grievance
I've come to share my findings with impeccable convenience
The left side sits a little high, the right side sits a little low
They're fine when I am sitting, but they're crooked when I go
They pinch behind the ear a bit, they slide upon my nose
They leave a little dent right here, and they fog up when I doze
I've worn them for a fortnight and I'm sure that something's wrong
She's sure that something's wrong! She's sure that something's wrong!

We'll check the prescription, we'll measure the frame
We'll call the good doctor, it's always the same!
We'll heat them, we'll bend them, we'll tighten a screw
And back she'll come Tuesday with something brand new!

The reading part's too low for me, the distance part's too high
The middle bit is blurry when I'm looking at the sky
My phone is at a distance that is neither near nor far
And honestly I'd rather see the dashboard of my car
The lenses are too thick, I think, the frames are not the brown
I saw in all the sunshine when I tried them on in town
My husband says they make me look precisely like my mother
Precisely like her mother! Precisely like her mother!

We'll check the prescription, we'll measure the frame
We'll call the good doctor, it's always the same!
We'll heat them, we'll bend them, we'll tighten a screw
And back she'll come Tuesday with something brand new!

I've adjusted every temple in the county and the state
I've cleaned a thousand lenses that were coated with a plate
Of something from a breakfast that I'd rather not discuss
And I've bent this very hinge so much it's practically a truss

The doctor checked it twice and said the numbers were correct
The lab remeasured centers and found nothing to reject
The axis is precisely where the axis ought to be
"Well, maybe, but I still prefer the pair from '93!"

We'll check the prescription, we'll measure the frame
We'll call the good doctor, it's always the same!
We'll heat them, we'll bend them, we'll tighten a screw
And back she'll come Tuesday... "Actually, Wednesday... at two!"

She's the very model of a modern glasses grievance!
Next!