Optician Blues (Same Prescription)

Well... I woke up this mornin'
And somebody's glasses was waitin' on my counter

She came in Monday mornin', set her glasses on the tray
Said "These here are crooked, honey, they been crooked every day"
I put 'em on my table, they lay flat as Kansas ground
She said "Well, they FEEL crooked," so I bent 'em back around

I got the optician blues
Every pair comes back to me
Doctor checked the prescription
It's the same as it can be
Same numbers, same lenses
Same frame you picked in May
Lord, I got the optician blues
And they comin' back today

Tuesday came a fella, said "I see better with my old"
His old ones had a scratch so deep you could pan in it for gold
Doctor checked him over, said "Your new Rx is right"
He said "Then why's the floor all curvy?" Sir, give it a week or night

I got the optician blues
Every pair comes back to me
Doctor checked the prescription
It's the same as it can be
Same numbers, same lenses
Same frame you picked in May
Lord, I got the optician blues
And they comin' back today

Wednesday, "They're too loose, they slide right down my nose"
Thursday, same lady, "Now they pinch behind my ear like clothespins on the clothes"
Friday she was back again, said "Nothin' fits me right"
Ma'am, those are your husband's glasses... you been wearin' 'em since Tuesday night

Progressive lady says there ain't no sweet spot in the lens
I said "Ma'am, you got to move your eyes, not your whole head, my friend"
She bobbed just like a chicken, lookin' for a seed
I said "Chin down, eyes down"... she said "That ain't what I need"

Transitions don't get dark inside the car, that's how they're made
The windshield blocks the UV, so they stay a lighter shade
Anti-glare's got glare, he says, he's holdin' 'em to the light
Sir, that's fingerprints and bacon, let me clean 'em, now they're right

I got the optician blues
Every pair comes back to me
Doctor checked the prescription
It's the same as it can be
Same numbers, same lenses
Same frame you picked in May
Lord, I got the optician blues
Day eighty-nine, they want their money back today

Next...
...Is that a dog bite?
Yes, ma'am, that's covered under "Oh no."