They Feel Crooked

(Ooh, optical!)
Welcome back, hon. What can I do for you today?

She came in on a Tuesday, said, "I'm looking for a frame"
Tried on every single pair, then tried 'em all again
Round ones, square ones, tortoiseshell, cat-eye with a little gold
Took a selfie in each one and sent 'em to the group chat to be told

Hour and ten, the frame board's bare, every mirror's got a smudge
She picked the very first pair she tried, and then she wouldn't budge
We measured up her PD, took her segment height just right
She said, "I'll see you Friday," and she floated out of sight (out of sight!)

They feel crooked (they feel crooked)
Set 'em on the counter, baby, look
They're straight as a line (straight as a line)
It's your ears that aren't aligned (ooh)
They feel crooked (they feel crooked)
Bring 'em in, we'll take another look
Thirty-day adjustment, baby
Every day, they feel crooked

Friday she came back in, said, "They pinch me right up here"
Saturday she came back in, said, "They slide right off my ear"
Monday she was back again, "The left side's riding low"
I heated up the temples and I bent 'em nice and slow

Day twenty-nine, she's back again, a look upon her face
"I think I like my old ones," pulls the old ones from her case
Same exact frame, baby, same color, same old shape
She bought the same glasses twice, and the old ones held with tape

They feel crooked (they feel crooked)
Set 'em on the counter, baby, look
They're straight as a line (straight as a line)
It's your ears that aren't aligned (ooh)
They feel crooked (they feel crooked)
Bring 'em in, we'll take another look
Thirty-day adjustment, baby
Every day, they feel crooked

Progressive lenses, "Why's the bottom blurry?"
Honey, point your nose, there's no need to hurry
Chin down for the reading, chin up for the street
And don't take the stairs through the readers, watch your feet

Day thirty-one. (Ooh!)
The bell rings.
"Hi. These feel crooked."
(They feel crooked!)