Sunglasses Mode

"Just a little sting." (It was a big sting.)

Drops went in about a quarter past ten
Now my wife is a painting, impressionist, then
Every lamp's a sunset, every face a blur
Said hi to a coat rack, I think I insulted her

Pupils huge like a cartoon cat
Tech hands me the roll-up shades, look at that
Over my glasses, I'm a secret spy
Bad spy, though. I keep walking into the side

Sunglasses mode, cruising slow and wide
Floating through the parking lot, squinting at the sky
"Can I drive?" they ask, every single time
Baby, no. Let somebody else drive. I'll be fine.

Tried to text my son, it said "jgfhh lol"
He thinks I'm finally cool, I can't tell
Tried to pay for lunch with a drink coaster
Waitress was kind, like a gentle toaster (I can't see, it's fine)

"Four to six hours," the doctor said
"Don't sign contracts, maybe take a nap instead"
So I'm lying on the couch, my world all glow
Watching a TV show I cannot know

Sunglasses mode, cruising slow and wide
Floating through the parking lot, squinting at the sky
"Can I drive?" they ask, every single time
Baby, no. Let somebody else drive. I'll be fine.

The sun's a laser, the moon's a laser too
Headlights look like aliens coming through
I'm the coolest blurry person on the street
Wearing plastic shades and two left feet

Sunglasses mode, cruising slow and wide
"Can I drive?" they ask, every single time
Baby, no. Let somebody else drive. I'll be fine.

By dinnertime the world comes back
Still wearing the shades, though.
They're kind of my whole thing now.