Just Say One or Two

Look through the holes. Which is clearer? One... or two?
"E... F... P..."

Nine a.m., my first one sits
I swing the phoropter in, it barely fits
"One or two?" She clears her throat
"T... O... Z..." like she's reading a note

No, no, ONE or TWO, ma'am
Not the letters. I know the letters. I put them there.
"Oh! Sorry." Deep breath. Click.
"L... P... E... D..."

Just say one or two
Don't read the letters, I can see them too
Not three, not yes, not "I don't know"
Just one or two, and then we go
One or two, one or two
I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm calm. Are you?

Ten: "It went dark, I can't see anything" (sir, your face is a foot away from the hole)
Eleven, she shuts the wrong eye tight
Noon, "Can I see one again?" Eleven times, I swear
"Which one's the right answer?" Sir, the right one's there

One o'clock: "It's blurry... it's blurry..."
Try blinking, ma'am. "Oh my God. It's clear."
Two o'clock, she says the T looks sad
Three, he memorized the chart, I change it, he's mad
"One or two?" "Yes." "One or two?" "Three."
"One or two?" "...P... E... C..."

Just say one or two
Don't read the letters, I can see them too
Not three, not yes, not "I don't know"
Just one or two, and then we go
One or two, one or two
I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm calm. Are you?

So I roll the phoropter away
Get out the loose lenses, it's a brand-new day
Lens flipper up: "This... or this?"
He leans in close: "F... P... Z..."
Trial lens in, trial lens out
Still reading letters, still in doubt

Finally: "They're the same." Great, we're done.
"Wait. Why am I being charged for this one?"
"Why won't my insurance pay? Can't I use my vision plan?"
No, sir. This is a medical exam.

Just say one or two
Don't read the letters, I can see them too
One or two, one or two
I'm calm, I'm calm, I'm calm. Are you?

Five o'clock, I sit in the chair myself
Doc flips a lens: "One or two?"
"...E. F. P."